April 7, 2026 by Ekaterina Kuznetsova

I Want To Create

I want to create, think, and talk. I want to share my reflections and my way of looking at things. I want to ask questions to prompt others to find their own answers. And I want people to find answers in my reflections.

I want to create texts and notes. In my own rhythm and time, in my style and way. I want others to take them and to take something from them. I want to live a life where I have the moments by myself with pen and paper. I’ll always have something to share: my reflections (that flow through me every single day), my insights, my thoughts on a given matter, my challenges and how those feel, my journey. Inspiration for more reflections or insights is everywhere for me.

I want to learn to be more concise sometimes and pin-point short observations or questions.

I want to create something even more alive in some sense: with my live voice (e.g., a podcast), or with my hands. I want people to “meet” and feel the real me through this. The real me, with my way of formulating and structuring thoughts, with my voice and pace, with my energy. I want those moments of true presence with someone (in a podcast) or with my hand craft to be experienced by other people.

When I moved to the Netherlands to start my life as an expat almost nine years ago, my university prompted us to create our personal statements starting with “I will…”. I didn’t even know why, it was a pure feeling at the moment, and a deep-felt intention – my statement came out like: “I will share my energy with the world around me”. Thinking of it now, that’s exactly how I feel at this point of my journey. To be there for others with my presence and energy – via my creations and in direct live interactions. That’s where, I feel, my meaning lives. What’s crucial is my authentic presence: showing up as I really am, without wasting my energy on trying to be someone else. That’s exactly the path I am on: I’m slowly moving towards being me more openly.

However, what are my means of sharing my energy? How do I let others know me? I feel I want to expand. I’ve always thought that I mostly loved one-on-one conversations or work. That still holds, and I also feel that’s not enough. I feel, it’s not enough for me to only be in that magical private space with the other. I want more people to hear, to feel, to heal, to feel seen and understood via what I do. If I’m going through my own transformation process or am present with someone going through theirs, I want that to be witnessed and experienced by others. I want to share and exchange.

I want to feel, think, reflect, go through my process, write about it and talk about it. Not (yet) in a room full of an audience, but in my intimate space with myself, with another reflective human being, or with the world. If I can share that most real and authentic process with others, white they can get in touch with it on their own terms (whenever they read my text or small note, hear my voice or hold something I created in their hands) – that’d be a very intimate yet collective experience.

I don’t want to lead. I don’t want to teach. And I don’t want to withdraw also. I want to just be there for other humans, in our alikeness and uniqueness.

I’m not sure yet how to get to that “being there with and for others”, without pushing myself onto them or trying to prove something to them. I feel I just want to be around people – in any form that’s aligned with who I am. I want to observe, to sense the different energies, and to notice what responses arise in me. I’m curious to notice how people react to my own energy and my presence, and how that changes with my different states.

Feels like I’m much more of an artist than I’d have ever imagined. I’m not sure if any traditional way of “working” and “making a living” fits me (thinking about the office 9-5 jobs, at the first place). I want to shape my own.

I need a lot of space for my own process and transformation: space to feel things, to reflect on things, and to share about things. I need space to generate: to write, to note, to formulate, to design or sketch, to speak. I need a platform to give: some place where what I generate becomes accessible for others. And I’d need that same platform to connect: I’m curious to hear what responses arise in people to my sharings and creations, and I’m more than energised to become a thinking partner for someone thinking I might be of help. I want to be there for those who want to get attention and be seen. I need space to move my body and take care of it: sleep, walks, sports, and other active routines. It’s important for me to stay flexible and explore the world. I want to have the opportunity to stay creative and help while traveling and staying curious. I need this free lifestyle to recharge and generate the energy I want to give back.

It’s challenging for me to exist in rigid frames, even though I love structure and staying organised. So maybe I don’t need to try to fit myself into any pre-defined way of being. I want to create things on my own terms and with the key reference being my own state and part of the process on a given day. That’s not what society is used to. But this allows me to be me. The rest will follow. I feel that I am currently at a big building-up stage. The safety and stability start from having that feeling inside and living my life from that place. I’m curious to see what comes up next for me, and I feel excited about the process at the moment.

What do these reflections touch in you? Let’s talk. Let’s connect.